Sep 2, 2010
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A while ago, I was motivated to write a post on my other blog about how we as parents changed from “parents” to “entertainment directors”. And how annoyed I am by it. If you want, click on over & read it. It’s okay. I’ll wait till you come back. Go ahead.
Now that you’ve got the background, I want to expound on that a little bit. I’ve been thinking more about it and had a couple things spark even more thought. The first thing was my husband. He recently has made a career change – from an attorney to a high school teacher. He talks a lot about the kids he’s been teaching. He’s absolutely blown away by today’s kids’ lack of critical/independent thought. Somehow, we’ve moved from teachers actually TEACHING about a subject, to teachers spoon-feeding the kids exactly & only what’s going to be on the test. They aren’t requiring the kids to actually READ the textbook – instead, the teacher does it and hands out his/her notes to the students. With every concept or fact, all the kids want to know is “will this be on the test?” They have no desire or understanding of a need for learning for the sake of knowing something. That, maybe, you need to have knowledge beyond the multiple choice questions on the test in 2 weeks. And, when it comes time for the test, they expect to be told EXACTLY what will be on it. That’s how they view a review day. Not just quickly going over concepts and stuff, but being told only the things that will appear on the test. And, God forbid they should have to write an essay question’s answer.
When did this happen? When did we become like birds? That we, the adults, are just supposed to do all the chewing and then just spit it all into their mouths? When did we stop requiring, or even encouraging, THOUGHT. Making kids use their brains to figure things out, work through a problem and think for themselves?? No wonder we’re such a lemming-like culture. We turn on CNN or FOXNews or whatever and just let someone else tell us what to think. We don’t research anything ourselves or try to learn anything ourselves. We just take what we’re told as truth and memorize it.
I think I know when this started happening. Around the time that parents started scheduling every free moment of our childrens’ time. They don’t PLAY anymore, they go from scheduled activity to scheduled activity with time for homework and eating. And what are the scheduled activities made up of? Very planned events/practices. Whether it’s soccer or band or dance or whatever it is; you go, you warm-up, you do one planned exercise and then another and then work on a planned routine/scrimmage and then you’re done. And you never think independently or use your imagination. When you go home, if you have “free time”, you play PS3 or watch TV. And what do these do? Take you through pre-programmed games/activities/programs that do all the thinking for you.
When do we learn to THINK? Kids don’t use their imaginations anymore which, when you think about it, is what develops into critical thought and independent thinking. If you don’t know HOW to think, how do you think?
This actually really concerns me. Even my own kids have less imaginative play than I did as a child, and they have quite a bit. They get bored and expect me to think of activities for them because they haven’t developed imagination enough. I know a lot of that is grown out of, but I think we need to be really returning to more free play that doesn’t involve a controller or a digital signal.
I don’t know – what do you think? I know this is a problem, I don’t know if I’ve nailed it down right. I really want my kids to be excellent at thinking for themselves. Being critical and not taking things at face value. Developing their own opinions based not on what they’re TOLD but on what they THINK. Because how can we as a society/culture hope to find the “new” and the solution to problems if we don’t know how to think? How to back up from a problem and find a new way in? There is more in life than the “right answer” to get an A on a test. Y’know?
Nov 4, 2009
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Okay. It’s time for parental true confessions. I’m warning you – I’m going to be brutally honest here. Because I have to vent somewhere. <deep breath>
Lately, I don’t like my middle sons very much.
Does that make me an awful person? Probably, to some people out there. I just have to be honest. I think we probably all go through this to one extent or another – when your child is going through a stage, creating behavior that you just. don’t. like.
I have to admit – I’m there right now. Let’s explore it. First, there’s Steven. I honestly don’t know what’s going on with him, but he is driving me BONKERS. Every day, he’s just expressing this unpleasant, gross greediness that makes me want to be away from him. It is nearly constant begging for stuff or trying to bargain for cash. And it comes out of nowhere – he doesn’t GET a bunch of stuff normally and he doesn’t get money other than his allowance. It is the most annoying thing ever. I’m telling him, over and over again to stop it. Just stop it. You’re not getting anything, I’m not buying you anything, you’re not getting any money. I must have told him this 800 times over the past couple of days, but he WILL. NOT. GIVE. UP.
On top of that, he’s melting down over his ridiculous DS games. I try to intervene and encourage him to take a break if it’s frustrating him, but he just screams at me. I tell him not to scream at me and his frustration goes through the roof. Then, when I finally have to punish him because of the way he’s talking to me, or because he’s thrown something in anger, he screams that I’m torturing him. “Why are you DOING THIS TO ME???’ And no matter how I try to explain it or get him to understand, it just keeps happening and happening.
I’m so incredibly sick of it. So sick of every day starting like this. So sick of picking him up from school and it starts in again. “Did I get anything in mail?” “No.” “AUUUUGH!!! THE MAIL IS SO STUPID!!!” What? I NEVER got anything in the mail when I was 8. EVER. I certainly never expected to get something (even though I didn’t do anything to get it) and never melted down when nothing came. It’s so frustrating, because it makes me not want to be around him at all. I don’t want to talk to him or listen to him talk – especially because it always turns around to something he wants or the piles of cash he desires.
Then there’s Henry. How lame is it that I’m confessing that I don’t like my son who has Down Syndrome?? But, right now, I don’t. I cannot stand constantly being hit by him. I cannot stand the constant throwing. And I really, really, really cannot stand the horrifying noise he makes when something isn’t going his way. Which is about 80% of the time. At home when the TV isn’t showing something he wants. In the car when someone’s talking. Or when he doesn’t like the song playing. Or, especially when we go through a drive thu. Imagine, if you will, being trapped in the car with THIS constantly sounding, like a drill invading your brain:
Henry’s Default Noise
I HATE it. I cannot fully express in words the depth of my hatred for that noise. I try to get him to use his words, but he just screams again. I want to die when it starts. Seriously. Again, it makes me not want to be around him. Which then makes me feel like a horrible, evil mother. I mean, what mom doesn’t want to be around her kids? But, I just want some peace. Some quiet. Not to have to figuratively bang my head against the wall every single day.
This, too, shall pass. Right? Gosh I hope so. And soon.
Oct 12, 2009
Posted in Down Syndrome, Parenting | View Comments
I just have to say and share how much y’all and your comments are encouraging me during this 31 for 21. I’m so thrilled to hear what y’all have to tell me. Hearing about people you know with Down Syndrome and how much you’re enjoying getting to know Henry and even people saying that they’re learning more about Down Syndrome from what I’m sharing.
THIS is the beauty of this month’s goals. Not that we who are parents of kids with DS can shove our kids down your throats or make you feel guilty for the things that you’ve thought or said or even trying to make enough noise so that bigwigs will earmark more money for our causes. No. It’s the beauty of sharing and learning and combating ignorance on all fronts. Our country has slowly moved away from ignorance and prejudice in so many areas – racism, sexism, sexual preference – but it’s seemed for quite a while that it’s still okay to look down upon those that don’t “measure up” with developmental or IQ milestones. But that’s what’s encouraging me. People like those who have commented saying they’re learning. They’re growing.
See, ALL of our children are beautiful. ALL of them deserve respect and love and choruses of “Aww…how cute!!” Not some of the responses I received after having Henry – people who didn’t even acknowledge him as I held him and gave me pitying comments. Even saying things like, “I’ll pray that God will heal your son.” Which would have been lovely if he was sick. But he wasn’t. But because that person simply was ignorant about Down Syndrome, they didn’t know how off the mark it was. Lovely sentiment, totally off-the-mark. That’s all I want to put forth here in my little blog. That my child and all the other children, teenagers, young adults and adults with Down Syndrome are EXACTLY THE SAME as you or me. They have friends. They have stuff they like. They have stuff they can’t stand. They love music and movies and good food and vacations and reading and learning and having fun JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. Yes, there are some things they can’t do. But those things are getting fewer are farther between as they are getting more and more of the help and training they need from an early age. But they’re not catching. You’re not going to CATCH Down Syndrome if you touch somebody. (Though I think some people could use a little bit of that extra chromosome).
Listen, my goal is simple. Come to know someone with Down Syndrome. Put aside your fears and your uncertainties and get to know them. Maybe it’s a small child of someone you know. Maybe it’s a young man or woman bagging groceries or being a greeter at a local store. Maybe it’s someone in your neighborhood or at your church or something like that. It’s a very easy first step. Smile at them. Say “hi”. Do just that a couple of times. Then, once you’ve made contact, ask how they’re doing. Ask if they’re having a good day. Ask if they’re enjoying the weather. Ask if they saw a movie that just came out. Ask if they have a favorite book, movie, song, tv show. And talk to them just like you would talk to the cashier or the bus driver or an acquaintance at church or the mailperson.
And if that fails you, just keep checking in here. Watch Henry’s videos, read his stories, look at his pictures. Ask me questions if you have them. Scroll down and click on the “31 for 21″ picture and go find some other blogs by parents with Down Syndrome. Get to know us and our kids. You will totally be like us – better for the journey!
Aug 14, 2009
Posted in Daily Ramblings, Parenting, Scrapping | View Comments
We made it! William is now 2 weeks old and we’re doing great! I’m so pleased with how well we’re doing and how I’m handling everything. I’m madly in love with my Zoloft for helping me to handle everything so far. I’m even not panicking at the fact that we are dreadfully short of money right now and it’s creating lots of stress in the house. Somehow I feel that it’s going to be okay and even if we have to eat rice for a couple weeks in order to pay the bills, we’ll come out the other end. We spent way too much on eating out/ordering in while I was pregnant and now I’m going to have to sacrifice because of it.
We started up Henry’s OT again today. We had put it on hold when he had his surgery and then the baby came, so this was his first one back since then. Dude has been SO crazy these past 2 weeks – trying to get my attention WITHOUT William in my arms has been so difficult for him. He’s missing having me to himself when I’m caring for him and it’s coming out in his behavior. I mean, it’s obvious that he really likes William, but he definitely does not like the amount of attention he’s getting. I’ve started trying to either set William down or give him to someone else when it’s time to feed Henry so it’s all about him during that time. I think it’s helping, but he’s still having trouble. It’s interesting – he wants to be part of everything with Will, but he just doesn’t know how. So I put him down in the bassinet in the living room and go in to clean or cook and then hear Will crying because, in an attempt to “play” with Will, he’s thrown a bunch of stuff in the bassinet with/on him and hits him in the face. He totally doesn’t get it. But then there’s a moment like this that makes you swallow your tongue with emotion:
However, you have to be right on top of Henry because he follow this up with actually sitting ON Will’s head and smashing his bottom up & down on Will’s skull.
Steven cannot get enough of Will. At least 8 times a day, he comes to where we are and says, “Can I hold him?” Will can be nursing, sleeping, or whatever, but Steven just wants to hold him and tell him nursery rhymes. He doesn’t sing, but he recites things to Will. It’s so incredibly cute. Of course, if Will poops or spits up or isn’t particularly “fresh”, Steven gets all grossed out and can’t get rid of Will quickly enough. “Ew,” he says. “Will smells like old cheese.”
Maggie is hugely helpful. She was very excited to feed him a bottle, loves to hold him and sing to him. She’s been singing tunes from West Side Story lately, which is funny. YOu don’t often have babies hearing “I Feel Pretty” to calm them down. They’re getting lots of chances to help out since Steven & Maggie decided they needed to have an actual FISTFIGHT over what they’re going to watch on TV. They actually decided to PUNCH each other over it. So, they ended up losing TV, computer & video games for the rest of August. Since they don’t start school until September 8th, it’s going to be a long, long, long punishment. Hate it.
Other than all that, I’ve been scrapping. I’m not feeling the design bug at ALL, but I am having fun making layouts. Here’s what I’ve gone lately. As always, click on the pix to see credits & read journaling.
Have a great weekend!
Jan 26, 2009
Posted in Daily Ramblings | View Comments
Here I sit, on battery power, composing an entry in WordPad to post later. Why? Because our stupid power went out. I have no idea why, but how sad is it when the first reaction after it happens is, “Have we paid the bill??” (Which, yes, we have)
And, of course the kids FREAK OUT when we lose power. Steven was down in the basement by himself, Maggie was in her room, Henry was watching Cedarmont Kids in the family room, Steve was in his office and I’m in the bedroom playing Marine Park. None of us are anywhere near each other. Steven lets out a scream as if he’s being eaten by bears. Henry thinks it’s great fun and is giggling as he stumbles around in the dark. Maggie was on her laptop, so she’s at least got the light of that to keep her from freaking. One thing I learned tonight – we need many more flashlights and candles in this house. 2 candles and 1 flashlight aren’t enough. Thankfully, it was bedtime, so I just got the kids in their PJs and put them right to bed. But since they’re just like me, it’ll be a while before they fall asleep because the house is CREEPY EVIL QUIET. We’re all used to having noise in our rooms while we sleep – lullaby music, humidifiers, fans, etc. Total silence is not of the Lord. :hee:
So. This weekend we got news that a family member ended a 3 year relationship. We were all devastated because we thought this was going to the “the one”, y’know? And, of course, nobody likes to see someone they love dealing with this kind of pain. I got the news over the cell phone in the car with all the kids there so they, of course, heard my end of the whole conversation. What makes is sadder for them is that we had just seen them a few days prior and we all had a great time. The kids, of course, love them both and are now confused. Well…not Maggie, really. Steven wasn’t processing it well, though. First, he didn’t understand why they weren’t already married. Then, he didn’t really understand the whole “breaking up” thing – except for how it applied to him. “Does this mean,” he asked “that we won’t ever see (significant other’s name) again?” Well…..probably. It’s pretty simple for kids, isn’t it. “How does this affect me?” Doesn’t really care much for the intricacies and machinations of it all, just how will I be impacted by this turn of events? Also trying to explain that it’s better they decide it’s not going to work NOW, before they’re married, rather than afterwards. He got that part.
A good thing that came of this was that I was able to have a conversation about it with Maggie. She’s a sly one, that girl. She has this ability to be nearly invisible when “grown-up talk” is happening, so she can just quietly observe. She’s silent as the grave & does nothing to draw attention to herself. It can be a really long time before you register that she’s there. So, she’s listening to my mom & I talk about it and going over the whole “What did I do wrong” thing that so many of us women go through after a breakup. Lord knows I’ve blamed myself for a relationship ending more than once – that if I can’t keep this or that relationship going, there must be something wrong with ME. Not him, not the circumstances, not the fact that weren’t a good match to begin with. ME. So we lamented that a bit. When Maggie & I were back in the car, she asked a question (that, good mother that I am, I can’t even remember now) and I got to talk to her about the importance of NOT defining yourself by any man/boy. That so many women/girls see their self-worth in relation to who they’re dating and, by extension, when the relationship ends, it’s because there’s something wrong with them – some fault or shortcoming on their part. I told her that it’s important to have your own thing going on – whether it’s work or school or an interest – something that defines you that’s completely unrelated to a boy, so that if/when it doesn’t work out, you’re not quite so devastated. You need to be confident and strong in who YOU are as a woman, therefore you can look at your relationships healthily and see them as “each of us is bringing something important to the party” rather than “I’m so lucky he chose me”. She seemed to get it, which is good. Gosh, if I can keep her from making even one of the mistakes I made, she’ll have a leg up. I so don’t want her to be one of those girls who only feels worthwhile if she’s got a boyfriend. And I SO don’t want her beating herself up when some dolt decides he doesn’t wanna be tied down.
So, while it was a very sad weekend for our family, it also provided good opportunities for conversation and, hopefully, strengthening. I just hate that there has to be hurt for that to happen.
The pregnancy? Seems to be progressing. I had a brief respite from the nausea and now it’s back. I had to run to the grocery store before picking Henry up today and I wasn’t sure if I was going to puke in the aisle or simply pass out. I had picked up some string chees and was so hungry I had to tear into it and eat one while standing on line. Had I been less proud, I would have plowed through 3 or 4 more, but I was shamed. Of course, once I got in the car, I tore those puppies open with abandon and ate them as fast as my hands could push them into my mouth. I tell ya, when my stomach decides it’s hungry, there is NO warning. It hits like an punch in the throat and there must be FOOD NOW. I do go for my Level 2 ultrasound on Wednesday, so I’m excited about that. I’m SO hoping that we’ll be able to tell the sex. I’m 13 weeks today, so it’s early, but maybe because it’s a Level 2?? Maybe?? At the very least, I pray that every body part is where it’s supposed to be and everything’s growing appropriately. And that nothing raises a red flag to make them want to do further testing.
Well, that last paragraph brought the return of our electricity (YAY!), so I’m going to wrap up & get this posted. Happy last week of January, y’all!
Oh!! BTW – Butternug Squash Designs will be closing its doors on February 1st. For this final week, I’m giving 75% on all the offerings there. I’m hoping to eventually move everything at BSD over to NDISB, but there’s no guarantee when that will be, so if there’s something you’d like, snap it up now!
