Apr 28, 2010
Posted in Daily Ramblings, Thoughts about God | View Comments
Here we are, sitting at Henry’s first official horse therapy. They spend the first 30 minutes riding the horse, then they have 30 minutes of whatever therapy they’re signed up for. It’s kind of relaxing just sitting & watching the horse meander while he’s draped over the horse like a saddlebag. I’m putting a lot of my hope into this therapy, praying that it will solve a lot of his problems. I know I probably shouldn’t expect too much out of this one thing, but when you’ve been working & trying & waiting as long as we have, you truthfully can’t help it. So, I am praying for this to be Henry’s miraculous missing piece.
I’m also still thinking about the message we heard at church on Sunday. He’s still doing a series about “running on empty” & last week’s focus was entitled “Can You Catch the Wind?”. The thought was that we are so over scheduled & have so much going on that it’s as if we’re trying to catch the wind. Pastor’s focus was more about doing too much in order to attain more, materially. But I was looking at it differently, since attaining more materially is not really my goal (or problem, depending on how you look at it). For me, it’s more about trying to get done what needs to get done and also meet the needs of my kids. Y’know, therapies, appointments, helping at the school, the day-to-day minutiae, & trying to let the older 2 have an activity. It’s so stressful to figure out what you should do, what you CAN do, to meet everybody’s needs without overdoing it.
So, his first point was the importance of learning contentment. He discussed it in reference to being content with the stuff you have. He referenced these verses:
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. – Philippians 4:12
But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. – 1Timothy 6:6-8
Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” – Luke 12:15
Do not wear yourself out to get rich;
have the wisdom to show restraint. – Proverbs 23:4
Now, I know that all of these are talking about being greedy – gaining money, riches, possessions & stuff. This is not my problem, but I can apply these same thoughts & principles to what is my problem. The thought is that we don’t need more to by happy. I can extrapolate that into applying also to not needing different to be happy. Or not needing less to be happy. Instead, finding contentment in the situation in which I find myself RIGHT NOW. To stop saying, “If only this, that or the other thing would change, I could be happy.” Or “If I had less stress or less to do or less to worry about, I could be happy”. God is telling me I need to find happiness the way things are today. Because if I’m constantly striving for a different tomorrow, I’ll die the way I feel right now.
Additionally, I need to stop the thinking that tells me that my worth is based on what I do. For some, their worth is based on what they make, monetarily, or by what stuff they’ve accumulated. For me, it’s always been based on what I can do (like my singing – am I the best singer in the room?) or what I can accomplish (can I or do I do more than anyone else?). This is a lie. I’ve always thought that the more I can do, the more valuable I am. Pastor quoted this verse and it really spoke to me:
Better one handful with tranquility
than two handfuls with toil
and chasing after the wind. – Ecclesiastes 4:6
Instead of busting my hump to fill both hands (or have both hands moving) and killing myself doing it, maybe I should just try to have one hand filled (or moving quickly) and have some tranquility. What a thought, eh?
His second point is to listen before speaking. This is an area where I struggle a lot. Especially when it comes to dealing with my kids. I’m so constantly going at 900 mph, I don’t feel I have the time to hear anybody out. I hear the first couple of words, jump to a conclusion about what they’re saying and shut it down. And, often, do a triple salchow right into anger. Because I haven’t listened. Because I’ve assumed that I know what’s coming. Because I feel like I don’t even have the time to finish listening to what’s being said before I jump down their throats. James 1:19 says:
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
This verse reminds me of something our old pastor used to say. “God gave us 2 ears & one mouth. Do you think that means we should listen twice as much as we talk?” Um…yeah. I think so. I think if we are speedy about listening and slow about talking, getting angry would be less of a problem because we’ve actually HEARD what’s being said rather than jumping to conclusions. This, as anyone who lives in my house will tell you, is a major problem for me. But getting less angry would be a huge help to keep me from feeling like I’m running on empty. The energy I expend getting angry, frustrated or exasperated could power the Eastern seaboard.
Do you see a man who speaks in haste?
There is more hope for a fool than for him. – Proverbs 29:20
I don’t want to be a fool, y’all.
The next point was to pause & pray before deciding about something. He quoted this next verse in the last point, but I think that for me it applies more to this point:
Do not be quick with your mouth,
do not be hasty in your heart
to utter anything before God.
God is in heaven
and you are on earth,
so let your words be few. Ecclesiastes 5:2
I don’t know about you, but I sure spend a lot of time questioning what God’s doing in my life – why He’s burdening me with so much or why my stress level is so high or why things just can’t be easy or when am I gonna get a break?! Maybe, just maybe, instead of asking God “why” or shooting my mouth off to Him when this stuff comes up, I need to “let my words be few”. Shut up & listen, Christy. God can’t talk to you if you ain’t listenin’.
Pausing & praying before deciding is a big one for all of us, I think. We’re constantly being asked to do stuff, join stuff, participate in stuff. Often, we feel guilty saying no, so we just say yes without thinking about it. I’m not saying that we necessarily need to say “no” more, but we certainly need to pause before we answer and ask God for guidance. maybe it’s something He wants us to do. Maybe it’s not. But if we knee-jerk respond to the question without even consulting Him, we’ll never know.
It is not good to have zeal without knowledge,
nor to be hasty and miss the way. – Proverbs 19:2
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. – James 1:5
The final point was this. “Trust God’s Timing”. Seriously? I have so much trouble with this. I know in my head that God’s timing is perfect. Being patient and waiting for it is so difficult for me. The verse he quoted was:
For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it [a] will certainly come and will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3
but I also thought of this:
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Proverbs 27:14
and
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil. – Psalm 37:6-8
There are actually a lot of verses that talk about waiting on or for the Lord. That remind us to stop being so blastedly impatient and just WAIT, for crying out loud. We assume that, when we don’t have an immediate answer, He’s either ignoring us or saying “no”. That’s not the case. The pastor said something next that was a major “aha moment” for me. MAJOR. He didn’t mean it like this at all, but because of what’s happening in my life, it hit me a certain way. This is what he said:
“A delay is not a denial”
My head literally snapped up and I wrote it down. Because even though he meant it in regards to trusting God’s timing, I heard it in reference to Henry & other children with delays. Too often I think we parents of kids with special needs hear a diagnosis and immediately assume there’s a big, red STOP sign or DO NOT ENTER sign that’s been put up in front of us. That their diagnosis of Down Syndrome or autism or speech delay or any other syndrome, need or disability means that they’ve been somehow denied. There is a difference between “no” and “not yet”. By giving Henry Down Syndrome, God hasn’t put a big electric fence around him and said, “this is it for you – you may go no further”. He’s simply said, “Wait.” “Not yet”. “Be strong, take heart and wait”.
Amazing. A delay is NOT a denial. Chew on that. I know I will.
Nov 11, 2009
Posted in Daily Ramblings, Thoughts about God | View Comments
Because my lunch date yesterday proves it. Beyond a shadow of a doubt.
I got to have lunch with my BFF, Camille, yesterday. She invited me out to talk about blogging and we met at our local Starbucks. No matter how long it’s been between “dates”, when we get together, it’s like we’ve never been apart. We got caught up and she shared with me all about this amazing project she’s involved with. She’s been a worship leader at a local mega-church for over 10 years and now, she and 3 others she’s served with have formed a band called NoBlurr. Soon after they formed, they got involved with community projects like the local food pantry. They recently got contacted by this charity called Soles4Souls. Now NoBlurr and Soles4Souls are working together to raise awareness and bring shoes to people around the world. It’s an amazing project and an unbelievable opportunity to spread the Gospel message. To bring the light of Christ to people around the world with the simple idea of giving shoes to people who don’t have them. How AMAZING is that?? NoBlurr is now doing concerts where the funds and shoes brought by attendees will be added to the shipments made to 125 countries around the world. And my best friend is being used by God to be a part of this. I’m so amazed & excited for her!!
Unfortunately, as so often happens when God marks someone to do His work, Satan is doing his best to mess with it. She just found out that her thyroid is completely dead and that she has a goiter on it that needs to be removed. This is, of course, totally messing with her physically and emotionally, making it difficult for her to have the enthusiam and ability to do what needs to be done for this mission. Since hypothyroidism can be so detrimental to a person’s stability (severe depression, irritability, memory loss, weight gain being some of the symptoms), this has to be addressed and dealt with. I think she just feels terribly overwhelmed with dealing with this surprise health issue and the pressures of embarking on something of this caliber. I remember that before Steve’s dad was diagnosed with dementia, it was discovered that his thyroid was dead and had been for some time, which caused a lot of his problems. I can only imagine the stress & pressure she’s under – on top of being a mom of 2 little girls and a wife.
But, as we’re talking, I’m overcome. I just stopped her and launched into this unexpected thing that I wasn’t prepared for. All of a sudden, I’m unable to stop myself from telling her, “Is God going to give you all this stuff to do for Him and not enable you to do it? Does the God we serve put us in a position to do His work and then sit back to watch us fail? You are in a position to make a difference GLOBALLY with the gifts He’s given you (which are substantial, by the way) and He’s going to be there every step of the way.” And all sorts of stuff like that. I went on for about 5 minutes like this before it all just stopped. I just breathed for a minute and then said, “I don’t know where all that came from….” Honestly, it was like God just decided to talk through me to say what she needed to hear. At least I hope so. I hope I wasn’t just vomiting all over her, but actually encouraging and lifting her up.
I just love this woman. God brought her into my life in 1990 and there’s no friend I’ve known longer. I have acquaintances, but she’s the friend I’ve had the longest. We were estranged for a period of time due to my stubbornness before I found Christ, but God in His mercy brought us back together with forgiveness, love and so much growth. My only regret is that I let the estrangement happen. We missed each other’s weddings because of it, and I wish she’d been there for mine. She’s Aunt Camille to my kids and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m so incredibly proud of her grace, her obedience to God, her talents and abilities. She’s constantly trying to seek God and her walk challenges and edifies me. That’s all. Oh, except for the fact that’s she’s so incredibly beautiful. Unfortunately, the shot I got of her with William is pathetic, but I’m gonna show it anyway.
So…this is one reason why you can’t tell me God ain’t real. Camille is just one of my reasons. Love you, girl!
Sep 27, 2009
Posted in Thoughts about God | View Comments
Today has been such an exhausting but excellent day. Today was the last week that my ex-pastor returned to our church and I really, really wanted to be there and I’m so happy that I could be. Since Steve is still fighting off his pneumonia (seriously?? What’s up with that, God??) and he said I could leave Henry home with him since last time Henry’s behavior made it impossible for me to really hear the sermon. So Maggie, Steven & William came with me this time. It was really weird for Maggie to be back there. Everyone kept coming up to us, telling her, “oh my GOSH, you’re so BIG!!” which she found kind of hysterical.
The most amazing part of being back there was seeing and realizing how much we were loved. To be brutally truthful, when we left we really didn’t feel that way. Things in the church were in a lot of transition and the circumstances in our lives around the time we moved were really chaotic, so we didn’t even get to say goodbye properly. Because it was all so crazy, nobody really had the chance to say goodbye to us and I think they thought we snuck out and left the church before we actually moved. So we didn’t really feel that anyone really cared that we’d left, which was a mistaken assumption, as I had drilled home over these past couple of weeks.
Anyway, we all got loved up in a big way. Lots of hugs, some tears (aw, Susan, you blessed my heart!!), oohing & ahhing (as well as looks of shock and surprise) over William and a boatload of “the kids got so BIG!!” I really realized how much I miss being in community with fellow believers. How much I miss loving people and having them love us in return. How much I miss sharing, growing, encouraging, lifting up and just being with God’s people. And how very, very, VERY much I miss having fired up weekly messages from a man on fire for God. Which is what Pastor Peacock is. He retired from our church about a year or so before we moved and, while he’s very open and willing to find a new pastoral position, he hasn’t been preaching much at all. However, God is still laying a ton on his heart and he’s got nowhere to share it. So this past 3 weeks, it’s like he’s been trying to fit 3 years of word from God into a 1 pound sack. He’s so amazing to listen to – he’s not only a fired-up, no apologies, man of God, he’s also a Dr. and is well-learned in Greek, so he’s constantly not only telling us what the Word says, he’s telling us what it says in the original Greek and how a certain word in Greek means something slightly (or completely) different than how we see it in English.
For example, he spoke today about getting a word from God. He was referencing the story in Matthew when the disciples are out on the boat and Jesus walks out to them on the water. The disciples think it’s a ghost, but Peter says, “Lord, if it’s you, tell me to come to you on the water.” Jesus responds by ordering Peter to “Come”. Pastor says the Greek word used here is rhêma, which is a much more specific word for “word” than the more commonly used “logos”. Apparently, when rhêma is used, it means a word given specifically to a certain person, upon which the power of faith is given. Meaning that when Jesus says, “Everything is possible for him who believes”, he means that when God tells you what to do with a rhêma word, He includes the ability to do it. Jesus didn’t tell all the disciples to “Come.” He gave that word ONLY to Peter and then gave him the ability to walk on the water as directed. And it was only when Peter doubted what he was actually doing did he lose the ability to do it.
It made me think about people who belittle fellow Christians or make themselves feel more spiritual by saying that the reason someone isn’t able to do or accomplish or have something in their life is because they don’t have enough faith. I’ve always thought that was a load of tripe and now I know WHY. Because God doesn’t give a blanket, all-encompassing rhêma that applies to everyone. He speaks to each of us individually with what He wants us to do and then gives us the ability to carry it out if we step out in faith, like Peter. So to tell someone that they can’t speak in tongues or buy a Mercedes or prophesy or serve in the mission field or lead worship because their faith is lacking is not only cruel, it’s false. God hands out his orders/words/rhêma as He sees fit. When He tells family A to go to Africa and serve Him, He gives them the ability and path necessary to accomplish that. When God wants somebody up leading worship and edifying His people, He gives them the gifts & talents and the ability to TRAIN those gifts. And if anybody tells you that when your faith is strong enough, God will reward you with a Mercedes, you have my permission to reject that as false teaching. Cuz God ain’t promised NOBODY a big ol’ fancy car.
Pastor then went on to talk about Peter and how in Matthew 16 Jesus asks Simon Peter who he is. Simon Peter responds with the confession that Jesus is the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of God. Jesus then tells Simon Peter that this revelation was given to him straight from God. Jesus renames him simply Peter (Petros, which means “rock”) and says “and upon this rock I will build my church.” I always thought Jesus meant Peter literally here. Apparently, the Greek word used for “rock” this time was “petra” which refers to a big, huge rock or rocky area. Which means Jesus was saying that His church will be built on a larger rock than Peter. What he meant here was that His church will be built on this revelation, this confession that Jesus IS the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of the living God, WHICH CAN ONLY COME AS A WORD STRAIGHT FROM GOD TO MAN’S HEART. Which makes much more sense and I can’t believe I’m only just understanding this. No person can create this revelation within another person’s heart, can elicit this confession from his or her mouth. Only a word (rhêma) straight from God into a person’s heart can elicit this realization that Jesus is who He said He was and can bring forth this confession of belief and, therefore, the church of Christ is built on this and this alone. By each heart, mouth and mind transformed by a word from God to accept that Jesus is, was and will be the Christ, the Messiah, the only Son of the living God. Wow. I’m really glad I went to church today.
May 20, 2009
Posted in Daily Ramblings, Noteworthy, Photos, Scrapping, Thoughts about God, Uncategorized | View Comments
Yeah, I’ve got more. I’ve been playing a lot with photos I have – sharpening, fixing, brightening eyes, etc. Then, of course, I want to scrap them right away. So I am.
We’re counting down to the end of school. Maggie & Steven have 6 more days and Henry’s done on the 10th of June. Today was a special day for Maggie’s class where they got to go to a local forest preserve for lunch, hanging out and having a last blowout as a class. Plus, dogs were invited! So I took Nika, picked up a sandwich and headed out at lunchtime. The kids had just finished a water fight, so everyone was drenched. Nika started freaking out at the other dogs – whining, straining and very, very excited – so I sat at a table to eat my sandwich and give her a chance to calm down. When I was done, we moved over where the other moms and dogs were – I let Nika slowly acclimate to the other dogs and all seemed okay. She didn’t LOVE having the other dogs and really disliked it when they sniffed her, but there were no showdowns.
Until one mom passed out dog treats to everyone. Nika has been trained that she’s not allowed to eat anything until she’s been given the go-ahead. So, she’ll sniff it and look at me until I tell her to go. Which I always do right away. Then she gets delicate with it – licking it and gently biting. So, she’s starting to get into it when another dog (a big Golden) decides to take it from her. Nika do NOT play dat. Before I could blink, a dogfight is happening. Seriously – Nika ATTACKED this dog and they’re going at it fiercely. So I jumped up and pulled her off the other dog, then forced her into a submissive position on her back until she submitted to me. She was MAD AS THE BLAZES. When it calmed down, I made her lie down at my feet facing away from the other dogs and put my leg over her to keep her in place. Her neck was all wet from the other dog attacking her there – no blood or anything, so that’s good. Poor thing is too old to be doing the dogfight thing. I was embarrassed, though. Meeting some of the moms for the first time and my dog attacks another dog. Priceless.
Okay – new layouts:
Have a happy Thursday, okay?
Mar 17, 2009
Posted in Daily Ramblings, Down Syndrome, Parenting, Photos, Scrapping, Thoughts about God | View Comments
That’s me. Let’s see – Monday, Maggie stayed home from school feeling sickly. Henry and Steven went, Henry having his most exciting day yet with SWIMMING. Once a month, they get to go over to a different school and go swimming. Which, for Henry, is just this side of crack. Teachers didn’t quite believe me when I warned them how exuberant he’d be and how difficult it would be when it’s time to go. When I picked him up? I just got a “you were right”. Hee.
Picked up Henry & Steven, went back home to get Maggie and then off to the dentist. All 3 kids had their appointments and, once again, NO CAVITIES! Yay! Steven & Maggie do so great there, even though they don’t like it, but Henry is another story. I have to have him sitting on me, my legs wrapped around his legs octopus-style (because he can kick you in the HEAD), one hand holding both his arms and the other holding his head still. He hates it. Like, I can’t even describe the hatred. He wants none of it – these strangers putting things in his mouth, counting, touching, moving his lips. And when this tech started polishing (which he’d never had before), I felt like a Nazi torturer. It’s awful, but it HAS to be done.
Needless to say, after swimming, a full day of school and the horrors of the dentist, Henry was wiped. He went to bed at 7. Oh – the teacher sent these pictures home – this is an activity Henry does at school for sensory input.
That’s shaving cream they’re playing in. He looooooooves it. I’m sure glad they do it, because the mess would make me itchy.
Today was my trip to the dentist. Everything’s good – except some apparently pregnancy gingivitis. The gums around my crowns (front 6 teeth on top) are really sensitive anyway, but they’ve become more so since pregnancy. Thankfully, she put a topical anesthetic on them when she did the scrapey part so I couldn’t feel it too badly. And, for the 40th year, no cavities for me!
Tomorrow’s the big ultrasound. I hope baby cooperates – I really want to know what it is! I’m also finishing up a new kit – just have the word art left to do. It’s more girly – calling it Cuppycake. Just in time for the Spring Celebration we’re having this weekend. It’s where we make pretty spring-colored cupcakes and do the egg dying so that when Easter comes, we can focus on Jesus. We started this last year and you can read about it here in case maybe y’all want to do it, too! This kit will be perfect for scrapping those pictures.
Oh, one more thing. If you haven’t heard about Natasha Richardson, please read the report & pray for her. I keep hearing conflicting reports about her prognosis after her accident and I can’t imagine what Liam & her kids are going through right now.
