Now that you’ve got the background, I want to expound on that a little bit. I’ve been thinking more about it and had a couple things spark even more thought. The first thing was my husband. He recently has made a career change – from an attorney to a high school teacher. He talks a lot about the kids he’s been teaching. He’s absolutely blown away by today’s kids’ lack of critical/independent thought. Somehow, we’ve moved from teachers actually TEACHING about a subject, to teachers spoon-feeding the kids exactly & only what’s going to be on the test. They aren’t requiring the kids to actually READ the textbook – instead, the teacher does it and hands out his/her notes to the students. With every concept or fact, all the kids want to know is “will this be on the test?” They have no desire or understanding of a need for learning for the sake of knowing something. That, maybe, you need to have knowledge beyond the multiple choice questions on the test in 2 weeks. And, when it comes time for the test, they expect to be told EXACTLY what will be on it. That’s how they view a review day. Not just quickly going over concepts and stuff, but being told only the things that will appear on the test. And, God forbid they should have to write an essay question’s answer.
When did this happen? When did we become like birds? That we, the adults, are just supposed to do all the chewing and then just spit it all into their mouths? When did we stop requiring, or even encouraging, THOUGHT. Making kids use their brains to figure things out, work through a problem and think for themselves?? No wonder we’re such a lemming-like culture. We turn on CNN or FOXNews or whatever and just let someone else tell us what to think. We don’t research anything ourselves or try to learn anything ourselves. We just take what we’re told as truth and memorize it.
I think I know when this started happening. Around the time that parents started scheduling every free moment of our childrens’ time. They don’t PLAY anymore, they go from scheduled activity to scheduled activity with time for homework and eating. And what are the scheduled activities made up of? Very planned events/practices. Whether it’s soccer or band or dance or whatever it is; you go, you warm-up, you do one planned exercise and then another and then work on a planned routine/scrimmage and then you’re done. And you never think independently or use your imagination. When you go home, if you have “free time”, you play PS3 or watch TV. And what do these do? Take you through pre-programmed games/activities/programs that do all the thinking for you.
When do we learn to THINK? Kids don’t use their imaginations anymore which, when you think about it, is what develops into critical thought and independent thinking. If you don’t know HOW to think, how do you think?
This actually really concerns me. Even my own kids have less imaginative play than I did as a child, and they have quite a bit. They get bored and expect me to think of activities for them because they haven’t developed imagination enough. I know a lot of that is grown out of, but I think we need to be really returning to more free play that doesn’t involve a controller or a digital signal.
I don’t know – what do you think? I know this is a problem, I don’t know if I’ve nailed it down right. I really want my kids to be excellent at thinking for themselves. Being critical and not taking things at face value. Developing their own opinions based not on what they’re TOLD but on what they THINK. Because how can we as a society/culture hope to find the “new” and the solution to problems if we don’t know how to think? How to back up from a problem and find a new way in? There is more in life than the “right answer” to get an A on a test. Y’know?
I must have said that 30 times last night. Thirty times that William decided to wake up crying. Thirty times he wouldn’t be consoled. Thirty times he seemed to have to poop & couldn’t, but didn’t respond to any palpation, nursing or cuddling. Thirty times that I said, “I’ve only got 5 more hours to sleep!” or “I’ve only got 4 more hours to sleep!!” or “YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME, CHILD!”
Of course it’s the day before Henry’s 1st day, when I have to get up at 6:30 and coherently prepare his backpack & lunch, get him dressed appropriately, make sure he has all his supplies (including diapers, wipes, baby food & toothbrushes), get a 1st day of school picture where he’s actually LOOKING at me and get him to school by 7:30. Needless to say, he was late. And I literally had to pry my eyelids apart. But he’s at school. And wicked happy about it. He was a bit confused that his familiar teachers weren’t there to greet him and his familiar friends weren’t in the room. This is going to be a interesting transition for him. All his classmates (4 girls & one boy) were sitting quietly at the table waiting for the day to begin. Henry, on the other hand, runs in shouting BOOK! and exploring the room, looking for toys to play with and refusing to sit like the girls were. They have a special desk set up for him away from the others, with his name on it to help facilitate the transition to focused learning rather than being free in the classroom.
This is going to be interesting. I know he’ll get it eventually, but I’ll be curious to see how he gets it and how long it takes.
Our new patio is coming along nicely. They’ve almost got the steps done and then the actual patio stone will go more quickly. Here’s a peek.
Can’t wait to see it finished. It’s going to be gorgeous and I’m so happy about it.
I’m also trying to get off my tail and prepare for this garage sale we’re supposed to have next weekend. There is SO MUCH to go through. Steven & I did about 25% of the basement today and he decided he wanted to get rid of all his Thomas stuff. That blew my mind. He has so much of it and I always thought that would be something he’d want to hang on to. But, the bin is full up of trains, tracks, bridges, buildings and the much-coveted roundhouse. Now to figure out how to price these things. Plus I have to go get a permit (a PERMIT?!? Really??) which is annoying & stupid, in my opinion. I wonder what happens if you don’t get one. I KNOW that more than half of the sales I see signs for every weekend can’t possibly have received a permit. Such a hassle. But I’d better do it. Going to have to finish the basement tonight or tomorrow so I can get a jump on my clothes and go through all the stuff I’ve crammed into the storage room waiting for this day. Probably 20 garbage bags and half a dozen boxes. I hate being productive. I just wanna sleep and play the Sims.
So, hey, if you’re praying, pray that William will SLEEP THROUGH THE %&^*$(% NIGHT. So I don’t go postal or crash into a tree or something.
Remember this game? My kids became interested in it after seeing the new VW ads where they’re playing Punch Buggy (and, inevitably, an elderly person gets punched in the hip/thigh by a child) and they started playing in the car. Of course, Steve & I had to join in. Now our family car rides have become a competitive and violent endeavor. At first, Steven couldn’t figure out what a VW was and would start punching his sister when he saw a Mini Cooper or a PT Cruiser or, really, any smaller car in a bright color. We had to teach him what a Bug is, what other VWs look like and the proper way to play the game. For us, Bugs get 2 points, all other VWs get one point. And if you call a punch-buggy and it isn’t? The other person gets to punch you back. It has become SO. INCREDIBLY. COMPETITIVE. in our vehicle now. Steven has now memorized everywhere in town that has a VW normally parked in the driveway or, if it’s a place of business, in the parking lot. He starts calling them before they’re even in view. Had to warn him that he’d better make sure the car is there before he calls it! Now I can’t even see a VW without calling it. Steve & I went and saw a movie today and we found ourselves childless in the car, still calling out “silver one!” and punching each other. He even called one during the movie. He was beating me the whole way home until, less than a block from home, I called a punch-buggy blue and a black Jetta in a driveway down the street. It was awesome & quite hysterical. Thank you, marketing executives, for giving 0ur family a fun car game in which we can beat the tar out of one another.
This game also got us reminiscing about high school and playing games in the car. We were racking our brains trying to remember the game where you’d call out cars with a headlight out by shouting “Padiddle” and hitting the roof. I had completely forgotten about that game, but as soon as it hit my brain, I remember it completely consumed us on our nights out. There was something that happened after we called the padiddle, but I cannot, with 100% certainty, remember what it was. I think I remember, but I’m not sure, so I don’t want to make myself look any stupider than I already do. What I do know is that it sure as heck wasn’t what padiddle has transformed into, which is that the loser of each padiddle has to remove an article of clothing. SERIOUSLY?!? What the heck? Why does everything have to go to these ridiculous extremes with the youth of today. (cue old-timey music and grandpa’s pipe tobacco)
What about y’all? What car games did you play? What car games does your family play now? Do you have different rules for punch-buggy or padiddle because you grew up somewhere else? And to my buddies from high school: what was the consequence for losing a padiddle? Or the reward for winning one? Refresh me, my peeps.
Everybody’s coming down sick again. William’s fighting off his sickness finally and now Henry has a sinus infection. Steven was complaining all weekend about a queasy tummy and sore tonsils. Took him to the doctor today and she found nothing. Today Maggie came home from school with the same queasy tummy, headache and complaining that she ached all over. She came home and went from being FREEZING to having a fever of 101.7. I do not know what’s going on, but I am S.I.C.K. sick of it. I know this spring has been awful in terms of allergies, but come ON.
I was thrilled to come home today to see that the yearbooks had been delivered!! We just placed the order last Thursday morning and they’re already here. I would love to show it all here, but because they’re not all my kids, I don’t feel that I should. Let me say that MyPicTales.com is AMAZING. Not only did they produce these in record time, they look outstanding. I’ve never had anything printed outside my house before, so I wasn’t sure how it would turn out, but I was so pleasantly surprised. I cannot wait for the kids to see them. Maggie loves it, so I hope the rest of them love them, too. The coolest part is that they don’t look like a typical yearbook with black & white photos on white pages. I did them just like a scrapbook page, so they’re interesting & colorful & fun & unique. I can’t wait to see the reaction!
Now that I’m done with that, I have to figure out what needs to come next. I still need to print out the headshot/resumes that I’ve done for Steve’s class. I’ve had my first week of my photography class and I’m already excited. The first week is focused on using the icon modes (Portrait, Landscape, Sports, etc) rather than just leaving it on Auto. I haven’t had the time to do what I want yet, but I should get to it soon. I need to do five pictures in each mode, so I have to figure out what to take picture of to begin with and then get ‘em done.
I also actually finished a layout!! I haven’t done one in so long! I was looking through the Best Overall Layout category for the Scrapper’s Choice Awards and saw this layout that I loved. I decided I needed to do one of my own. I wanted to make it more personal, rather than just little items that are in the right colors. So I did an extensive Google image search to find pictures of things I love in different colors and did that. And I love the result. (click for credits)
I love it. Gotta find some more layouts to scraplift.
About 2 weeks ago, I posted about our trip to the Children’s Museum and how I was hyper-aware about people’s reaction to Henry and the way he interacted with the environment. I suggested that I was possible being too sensitive and commenters thought that maybe it was more that they were “learning” from him or just interested because they didn’t have much experience with people with DS. I took the comments to heart and admitted that was wholly possible and maybe I’m just paranoid.
Today, I stumbled upon a drama in the mommy autism blogger community that brought it all home for me. That fully expresses what I, as the parent of 2 children with special needs, feel that others are actually feeling as they watch us in the world.
One blogger (who is not the parent of a child with special needs) did what she thought was a humorous post about a poorly parented child she encountered at the library. She has since removed the post and apologized after some moms bloggers of autistic children came in to say that it sounded like the child wasn’t naughty, she was on the spectrum. If you’re interested in reading the initial post, it has been saved as a PDF here.
THIS, my friends, is what I’m talking about. This is what lies behind many of the looks, sniffs, stares, and slight moving-away that we parents of special needs (PoSN) experience. To be honest, if you have a child like my Henry who has a noticeable delay like Down Syndrome, you get less of it. I believe because people see your child with DS and think, “well, that child couldn’t do any better”. Still insulting, but at least they’re not quietly judging us. Parents of children on the autism spectrum, however, don’t have that benefit of the doubt. Because these children don’t LOOK disabled, onlookers assume the child is a brat, spoiled, poorly parented or “just needs a good smack”. When in actuality, they might be doing the best they can. Literally.
I’m really upset because I wrote a really good comment on another blog that I wanted to share here, but I forgot to save it before I hit “publish” and it hasn’t been approved yet, so I can’t see it. Bah.
I guess my biggest point is that we all need to stop judging. The original blogger had no idea what she was witnessing, but she went ahead and made a judgment about it and mocked it openly. Even after being enlightened about what she might actually have seen, she didn’t apologize. She continued to offer advice on how to better handle a child about whom she knew nothing. A child who, if she was autistic, had been worked with, therapized and had all sorts of goals she was working towards. Which seemed to be pretty obvious, given the way she kept repeating, “I’m being patient, aren’t I?” Seems that patience was something she had been working on very hard. But because it didn’t jibe with original blogger’s definition of patience, she said it wasn’t patience at all.
So this is the attitude to which I was referring. People like this who make us moms of special needs kids feel like we can’t leave the house. Or like we have to apologize to everyone we come in contact with for behavior that’s unusual. Or simply for the fact that our children exist in the world and we had the audacity to bring them where they would have to see them. You may think that I’m being overly sensitive or paranoid, but here is proof of the attitude that is out there judging my Steven and others like him. Out there saying I’m a bad parent because his behavior is unusual or even displeasing in public. And subtly passing on their ignorance, prejudice and judgmental attitude on to their children who hear them talk about these “annoying children” they encountered and who watch their parent completely miss out on an opportunity to teach about differences, acceptance, grace & inclusion. Perhaps they’d be more comfortable if we all just kept our naughty, naughty children behind closed doors where they didn’t have to see it. That would solve everything, wouldn’t it?
ETA: My comment got posted and I want to share it, so I’m adding it here as a postscript.
As the mother of one son with Asperger’s and another with Down Syndrome (and a third who’s showing signs of sensory processing issues), I’d like to say I’m shocked, but I’m not. I spend most of every day apologizing for the existence of my children. For their inability to behave in a way that meets the expectations of strangers. For making others uncomfortable. And for just walking in the room and forcing strangers to admit that these children exist.
What chaps my hide the most? The fact that these people, who have no experience with children who have delays, problems, struggles or just a different way of interacting with the world, have the audacity to tell us what we’re doing wrong. Mostly behind our backs.
I will not hurl stones at this particular example. But, to all those “better parent than you”s out there, I say this. Until you’ve walked ONE DAY in my shoes, shut up. Keep your thoughts to yourself. And, especially if you call yourself a Christian, have a little grace. Realize and UNDERSTAND that you have absolutely NO IDEA what that caregiver is dealing with. Just because you have perfect children who have had no issues learning patience, manners and all that, doesn’t mean that we are not doing our exhaustive best to teach the same to our children. We’ve been trying to teach our 6 year old with Down Syndrome to stop throwing, hitting and scratching for THREE YEARS. And we are consistent. Utterly consistent. But what takes you a month or two to teach your child has taken over THREE YEARS for us.
And remember this: just because a child’s issues aren’t as obvious as my child’s Down Syndrome doesn’t mean they’re not just as real. Just as difficult. Just as frustrating for the parent and the child.
Perhaps instead of chanting some ridiculous mantra to yourself as you attempt to ignore what you see as bad parenting, you can watch as said parent attempts to work WITHIN said child’s parameters to avoid a meltdown. Perhaps you can, instead, assume that this child and this parent are doing the very best they can. And, if you’re very selfish, you can thank your lucky stars that you don’t have to deal with any of this because you & your children are perfect.
Judge not, o observer. Judge not.
